who IS that in the mirror?

does everyone else perfectly identify with their bodies? -not even perfectly. how about just majority of the time? am i weird?

i look in the mirror and my immediate reaction is always, "shit! THAT's me?"

it's kinda like when you hear yourself on a video camera or possibly someone else's answering machine for the first time in a while and realize, "oh. that's how i sound? that's not how i hear myself in my head."

well the body i have is not the body i think i have in my head.

-and it's incredibly disappointing.

what's the difference? a goodie bag of scars, bruises, hair, lack of hair, clusters of freckles, and an overall convex figure verses my concave expectations.



my perception of myself is tall. yes, very tall.

-with hair twice as long

-freckles on my nose

-tiny, tiny breasts

-unusually large feet

-and much bigger lips



then i look in the mirror! wow! step back. (at least my feet aren't that huge)



in all seriousness-even my facial expressions i don't relate to.

don't get what i mean? it's that moment we've all had when you're skimming through the pictures your friend sent you of that party a few weekends ago, and realize you're not as hot as you think you are when you're drunk. You think, "ew.-and i thought i was making seductive face."

yeah! it's THAT feeling, but all the time.

does anyone else ever feel this way?



it's as if i've just switched bodies with some foreign pod of skin and organs. can't i just switch bodies again, with someone else? -i wonder.

who would i switch with? hmm...

you know, with my luck, if i ever did get the power to switch bodies with someone i probably wouldn't be able to chose the body. i could just keep switching until i got it right.

i would need to figure out some form of idenitty verification with my friends. that way if they're approached by an unfamiliar person, with a more familiar code word-they'd know what's up!



what if i switched places with an old lady? my friend would probably think that was rad.

what about a ten year old girl? if i switched with a ten year old girl what would my boyfriend think?

would he rather kiss my old body? -knowing it's ten year old.

or would he kiss me? -in a little girl body.

hmmm...

i will make this a movie.



106 days 14 hours left to
puke-pull-pluck-workout-tan-hydrate-diet-stretch&soften to
have my new body for my new life