HER LOVE IS DEAD

...is the name of the recent movie project i've been working on.

i'm so excited. we finally wrapped up filming yesterday at 4am.
editing process should take another month or two, and then be on the look out for a public screening! recently, local grass valley radio station (but yc and sacramento will receive it as well) kvmr, 89.5, did a report on us. a station representative even came out to the shoot and had so much fun we dressed her as a zombie extra.

please listen to the broadcast. it's my first media publicity for a film project! i haven't been this excited since my picture was in the newspaper for peter pan (first play).

http://kvmr.org/news/index.html
-you can open it with itunes
-fast forward to the 17 minute marker

also....in the end of the interview when it plays me saying some lines...
please know sean and i were rehearsing the timing of line delivery...
that was not the actual way i said my lines. :)

i know you're all dying to see the movie, but you'll have to wait.
in the meantime...check out these awesome photos!!!

(for more information check out:
http://www.whatisdeerflu.com/
or
deer flu awareness page on facebook)










































































(for full photo albums of our shoots check these out on facebook:
cirstina's
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=2036231&id=1201510169
mine
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=102609&id=500334013
sean's
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=2171770&id=11711393
layne's
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=115399&id=684126889)

thank our fathers

thank our father's
Current mood:fantasizing
Category: Romance and Relationships

i am my father's daughter
but you aren't your father's son

i am she
destined to flee
same as he
destined to be
in this small town
with little rocks
where little boys
in dirty socks
hide their love behind mountains

you ain't he
-just afraid to be
is it tempting?
now that you understand?
now that you have a heart
of a full grown man?

this is why we need each other

daddy's walkin'
this time for good
the difference is i follow him
the difference is you don't
the significance is
i stalk him
no closer than in his shadow
the significance is you
took one last look
then walked firmly in the opposite direction
right up to me. . .

we forgot about anyone else
that ever loved us
and everyone else
that never did

you know, we can leave, too
it'd be so easy
forget this enclosed space
your lover's brace
scratch the story
don't leave a trace
the perfect scheme
you and me
fighting, touching, loving, hating,
biting, laughing, i'm laughing at you
you love this chase
our quarrel's theme
i hate to be so disruptive
this past year's been so productive
but so seductive
we're self-destructive creatures of the night before
can't you face
your longest dream?

let's go where no is watching
and i can kiss you as long as i'd like
you have your wants-wait, reasons (obligations) to stay
but you don't have to prove yourself
i know you better than that
i know
you ain't your father's son
i love you

i'm leaving
i am my father's daughter

prelude to a mistake

prelude to a mistake
Current mood: cynical
Category: Romance and Relationships

...just wanted to extend a hand in peace.
before i ruined it again.
i hate to spoil the "surprise." it's just that a confession like this merits some sort of prelude.
i already know what you're going to say. so, i'll ask that you say nothing at all.

i feel like it's well deserved, and long over due, so don't give me that look.
i feel lots of things.i feel i know lots of things. -but i don't even know that

something weird exists in my head
and i just can't correctly categorize it as observation? or manifestation?
i feel like i know you
but the you i know isn't the you i see
and my heart has just been so obnoxious lately
it drowns out all the other body parts (like my eyes)
so i forget the you i see
and i decide to know, the you i know
but i don't know, if he'll even show
when it really comes down to it

i feel like i could make you so happy, or just as easily provoked-i can't tell anymore

i either know you better than anyone else ever did...or i never knew you at all...

maybe i should hold my confession in just a little longer
-maybe until i know more?


when you're left with the same few words after this many years
you can't help but twist them around however it's relevant to the current phase
i've taken your words
and held them so close to me
under every
pretext
context
subtext
and subtley
everyday they mean something new. what else are you to do?
when you have nothing new to work with.

roughly translated that means: i have nothing to work with
so we're all agreed, then? manifestation anyone?

it's all so poignant i can't help it.

i need help, and you're the only one that can help me now.
you have to set me straight. you can do it! i look up to you. i'll listen.
do something you've never done before

tell me please
tell me it will never work
tell me you wouldn't want it to anyways
tell me you never think about it
you're good at making girls cry, aren't you?
why not me?
why not me?

i know it's a weird request. here, let me help get you on your feet...for starters don't make that face you make or give that look you give...it's just the catalyst to my whole fantasy.
start out with an apathetic tone. no emotion. if anything- maybe slight irritation.
remind me about all those mistakes i made.
remind me how miserable you were.
remind me of every time you were slammed against the stone, in the center of the town, with nothing but your own blood in your stomach.
when even then you could have had your pick at anyone but me
still you chose to be alone.
rachel enjoys memories, right?
why not these ones?

please.
tell me i'm not pretty.
tell me you can't remember how i kiss.
tell me you won't go through this again.
i'm simply not worth it.

pain is the only way to shake off these dreams.
give me something new to work with! something that i can't argue with!
you're better at words than I am. so it should be easy for you, but don't underestimate...i'll put up a fight. but i have faith in you.
your best friend is your worst enemy?

you're the best fucking enemy i've ever had.
and if only i could should show you my thoughts at this exact moment...
don't you fall for it. bring me back to the ground!
take a deep breathe. remember who you are, not who we were.
all i see is your face just inches away.
what were we talking about, again?

don't crack. don't falter.
don't succumb to your own seductions.
unless you want to...there i go, playing tricks. it's all a game.

i don't make sense to myself anymore.
often times i speak just to give someone the opportunity to negate.
what was my point, again?
oh.
yes.
whatever you do...

don't smile when i tell you i love you.