Friday, August 28, 2009

HER LOVE IS DEAD

...is the name of the recent movie project i've been working on.

i'm so excited. we finally wrapped up filming yesterday at 4am.
editing process should take another month or two, and then be on the look out for a public screening! recently, local grass valley radio station (but yc and sacramento will receive it as well) kvmr, 89.5, did a report on us. a station representative even came out to the shoot and had so much fun we dressed her as a zombie extra.

please listen to the broadcast. it's my first media publicity for a film project! i haven't been this excited since my picture was in the newspaper for peter pan (first play).

http://kvmr.org/news/index.html
-you can open it with itunes
-fast forward to the 17 minute marker

also....in the end of the interview when it plays me saying some lines...
please know sean and i were rehearsing the timing of line delivery...
that was not the actual way i said my lines. :)

i know you're all dying to see the movie, but you'll have to wait.
in the meantime...check out these awesome photos!!!

(for more information check out:
http://www.whatisdeerflu.com/
or
deer flu awareness page on facebook)










































































(for full photo albums of our shoots check these out on facebook:
cirstina's
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=2036231&id=1201510169
mine
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=102609&id=500334013
sean's
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=2171770&id=11711393
layne's
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30715548&id=1201510169#/album.php?aid=115399&id=684126889)

Friday, August 14, 2009

thank our fathers


Current mood:fantasizing
Category: Romance and Relationships
i am my father's daughter
but you aren't your father's son

i am she
destined to flee
same as he
destined to be
in this small town
with little rocks
where little boys
in dirty socks
hide their love behind mountains

you ain't he
-just afraid to be
is it tempting?
now that you understand?
now that you have a heart
of a full grown man?

this is why we need each other

daddy's walkin'
this time for good
the difference is i follow him
the difference is you don't
the significance is
i stalk him
no closer than in his shadow
the significance is you
took one last look
then walked firmly in the opposite direction
right up to me. . .

we forgot about anyone else
that ever loved us
and everyone else
that never did

you know, we can leave, too
it'd be so easy
forget this enclosed space
your lover's brace
scratch the story
don't leave a trace
the perfect scheme

you and me
fighting, touching, loving, hating,
biting, laughing, i'm laughing at you
you love this chase
our quarrel's theme

i hate to be so disruptive
this past year's been so productive
but so seductive
we're self-destructive creatures of the night before
can't you face
your longest dream?


let's go where no is watching
and i can kiss you as long as i'd like
you have your wants-wait, reasons (obligations) to stay
but you don't have to prove yourself
i know you better than that
i know
you ain't your father's son
i love you

i'm leaving
i am my father's daughter

prelude to a mistake


Current mood: cynical
Category: Romance and Relationships


...just wanted to extend a hand in peace.
before i ruined it again.
i hate to spoil the "surprise." it's just that a confession like this merits some sort of prelude.
i already know what you're going to say. so, i'll ask that you say nothing at all.

i feel like it's well deserved, and long over due, so don't give me that look.
i feel lots of things.i feel i know lots of things. -but i don't even know that

something weird exists in my head
and i just can't correctly categorize it as observation? or manifestation?
i feel like i know you
but the you i know isn't the you i see
and my heart has just been so obnoxious lately
it drowns out all the other body parts (like my eyes)
so i forget the you i see
and i decide to know, the you i know
but i don't know, if he'll even show
when it really comes down to it

i feel like i could make you so happy, or just as easily provoked-i can't tell anymore

i either know you better than anyone else ever did...or i never knew you at all...

maybe i should hold my confession in just a little longer
-maybe until i know more?


when you're left with the same few words after this many years
you can't help but twist them around however it's relevant to the current phase
i've taken your words
and held them so close to me
under every
pretext
context
subtext
and subtley
everyday they mean something new. what else are you to do?
when you have nothing new to work with
.

roughly translated that means: i have nothing to work with
so we're all agreed, then? manifestation anyone?

it's all so poignant i can't help it.

i need help, and you're the only one that can help me now.
you have to set me straight. you can do it! i look up to you. i'll listen.
do something you've never done before

tell me please
tell me it will never work
tell me you wouldn't want it to anyways
tell me you never think about it
you're good at making girls cry, aren't you?
why not me?
why not me?

i know it's a weird request. here, let me help get you on your feet...for starters don't make that face you make or give that look you give...it's just the catalyst to my whole fantasy.
start out with an apathetic tone. no emotion. if anything- maybe slight irritation.
remind me about all those mistakes i made.

remind me how miserable you were.
remind me of every time you were slammed against the stone, in the center of the town, with nothing but your own blood in your stomach.
when even then you could have had your pick at anyone but me
still you chose to be alone.
rachel enjoys memories, right?
why not these ones?

please.
tell me i'm not pretty.
tell me you can't remember how i kiss.
tell me you won't go through this again.
i'm simply not worth it.

pain is the only way to shake off these dreams.
give me something new to work with! something that i can't argue with!
you're better at words than I am. so it should be easy for you, but don't underestimate...i'll put up a fight. but i have faith in you.
your best friend is your worst enemy?

you're the best fucking enemy i've ever had.
and if only i could should show you my thoughts at this exact moment...
don't you fall for it. bring me back to the ground!
take a deep breathe. remember who you are, not who we were.
all i see is your face just inches away.
what were we talking about, again?
don't crack. don't falter.
don't succumb to your own seductions.
unless you want to...there i go, playing tricks. it's all a game.

i don't make sense to myself anymore.
often times i speak just to give someone the opportunity to negate.
what was my point, again?
oh.
yes.
whatever you do...

don't smile when i tell you i love you.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Beatles Song Meanings


*Hey Jude
Paul wrote this song for Julian Lennon to comfort him throughout his parents divorce at the age of 8.
*For No One
Paul wrote after his ruining his engagment with Jane Asher when she caught him cheating on her
*Across The Universe
John, "I was a bit more artsy-fartsy there. I was lying next to my first wife in bed, (song originally written in 1967) you know, and I was irritated. She must have been going on and on about something and she'd gone to sleep-- and I kept hearing these words over and over, flowing like an endless stream. I went downstairs and it turned into a sort of cosmic song rather than an irritated song-- rather than 'Why are you always mouthing off at me?' or whatever, right? ...and I've sat down and looked at it and said, 'Can I write another one with this meter?' It's so interesting. 'Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup/ They slither while the pass, they slip away across the universe.' Such an extraordinary meter and I can never repeat it! It's not a matter of craftsmanship-- it wrote itself. It drove me out of bed. I didn't want to write it... and I couldn't get to sleep until I put it on paper..."
*For The Benefit of Mr. Kite
The title is taken directly from an antique circus poster that John bought which dated back to 1843.
*Blackbird
Blackbird is a song inspired by the black civil rights movement in america. The term bird refers to 'girl' as girls are often refered to in england. The term bird refers to 'girl' as girls are often refered to in england.
*Dear Prudence
This song is about Mia Farrows sister Prudence. When they were in india with the Ravi guy, they were spending much of their time meditating. Prudence Farrow was trying to reach the highest level of meditation. She was very stressed out and everyone was worried about her. John especially took a liking to her. She would not come out of her tent. She constantly would meditate. No matter how much the boys or anyone else asked her, she wouldn't come out. So John wrote the song and would sing it to her. Hence "Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play."
*HELP!
John thought he was getting fat.
*Obla-Di-Obla-Da
the title is a common saying of the Yoruba tribe, meaning "life goes on."
Though written by both lennon and mccartney john calls it "Paul's granny shit".
:( awe...i like this song...
*Norwegian Wood
This song as said by John (and Paul) was about one of John's many affairs. He meets a girl, goes home with her, drinks a bit, sleep together. In the morning she's gone because she got what she wanted from him. He said he always felt like shit because of what he was doing. Norwegian wood has absoltely nothing to do with Norway - it is referring to the cheap wood used to make furiture (that plywood material is according to Paul called Norwedgian Wood to make it sound better). John angry that he is being used decides to burn down the shitty apartment (he never really did burn them down but he wanted too, he's taken a bit of artistic liberty).
*Maxwell's Silver Hammer
McCartney, "'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' is my analogy for when something goes wrong out of the blue, as it so often does, as I was beginning to find out at that time in my life. I wanted something symbolic of that, so to me it was some fictitious character called Maxwell with a silver hammer. I don't know why it was silver, it just sounded better than Maxwell's hammer. It was needed for scanning. We still use that expression now when something unexpected happens."
"In the past I may have written tongue-in-cheek, like 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer', and dealt with matters of fate in a kind of comical, parody manner. It just so happens in this batch of songs I would look at these subjects and thought it was good for writing. If it's good enough to take to your psychiatrist, it's good enough to make a song of."
*Why don't we do it in the road?
McCartney, "A male [monkey] just hopped on the back of this female and gave her one, as they say in the vernacular. Within two or three seconds he hopped off again and looked around as if to say, ‘It wasn't me,’ and she looked around as if there'd been some mild disturbance ... And I thought ... that's how simple the act of procreation is ... We have horrendous problems with it, and yet animals don't."
*We Can Work it Out
Paul wrote it in reagrds to Jane Asher and then took it to John for his input. You can kinda see how the two contrasted with Paul being optimistic and John being not at all, and also impatient. As Lennon told Playboy in 1980, "You've got Paul writing, 'We can work it out / We can work it out'—real optimistic, y'know, and me, impatient: 'Life is very short, and there's no time / For fussing and fighting, my friend.'
*Martha My Dear
While McCartney said this song was inspired by McCartney's Old English Sheepdog, Martha, the contents itself are in regards to Jane Asher. The fact that many of his songs are about her makes the line "You have always been my inspiration..." quite appropriate.
I was just bored during my lunch break at work today...PLEASE! Give me additions! (and necessary corrections!)
:)
....maybe this should just become a beatles blog?

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Virgin Sturgeon


Last week was my first visit to our new bar. Nick/Dylan/Cj discovered it and it seems to have all the necessary components for a respectable hangout.

1) it's close and convenient. within walking distance from Dylan/CJ's apartment. (and for a bar, within walking distance is a matter of public safety)

2) it's all about public safety. :)


3) it's a bar right on the river














4) it's a restaraunt











5) it's a marina!













6) you have to walk down an airport boarding tunnel to get into the building

7) it's inhabitants are old gentleman sailors
















8) it's totally hidden from the rest of sacramento and the world.

9) Busy enough to be enjoyable, social, and still in business.

10) isolated enough that there places available to sit when you go in late on a Friday night



















and lastly...
i just know that i will come across some sketchy individuals that sit me down one stormy night to tell me a true story I never could have imagined. i, a naive little girl, will be lectured by a wrinkled, and traumatized old sailer who insists I listen to him and be the one to buy him more drinks. I will get way in over my head and probably cursed. I also hope to wittness a sea monster in the distant fig while drinking a beer in the cold. (or a hard, hot, apple cider is more like it)


What adventures await us...

My Letter of Beatles Titles

Dear Prudence,

Do you want to know a secret? I’ve got a feeling I’ll be back, In spite of all the danger.

I should have known better. A taste of honey can’t buy me love.Come and get it, Boys!

Come together! Tell me what you see! Every little thing don’t ever change.

I’m so tired, Because the night before don’t let me down. A shot of rhythm and blues

from me to you-That means a lot. 12-bar ogirinal Searchin’ For no one.

Ask me why another girl don’t bother me.

She said, she said,Please, please me.” Ain’t she sweet?

Oh darling -That’ll be the day. She came in through the bathroom window.-Devil in her heart.

Run for your life! Free as a bird!

Shout, “Not Guilty! Not Guilty!”

Honey Don’t. Slow down! Wait!

Real love don’t pass me by. You (The fool on the hill) like me too much

Mr. moonlight, Not a second time. (this bird has flown)

I’ll follow the sun. I don’t want to spoil the party.

I forgot to remember to forget: What goes on...It’s only love.


-Good Day Sunshine


P.S. I love you

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

i'm sooo-oh-oh tired


They say sleep is essential for survival. Well. I've gone five days without drinking any water. What now?




Honestly, though, I am so tired. Last night was supposed to be my "be in home bed early" night-as decided so by myself. I was really looking forward to it. I haven't slept long enough to establish a dream since I don't remember. I have been awake for 125 of the last 144 hours. That's 13% of my last 6 days reserved for sleep which equates to about an average of 3 hours per night this week.



Last Wednesday I did not sleep at all! ever! and somehow i made it in time to clock if for work at 8am on Thursday and then I worked. I took no lunch breaks. I had no ten minute breaks. and i went to my multiple jobs and didn't "clock-off" until 10:20pm.




i subsequently feel hung over all the time even though I haven't been drinking (but this is most likely due to the lack of water). but i show up to work, i do a great fucking job, and i don't bitch. (is this bitching?) but it sucks.



I have various reasons for depriving sleep: The fact that I work 4 jobs and can only do my homework at night, having to commute to go to school, savings friends who are stranded in the Bay Area and need rides back to Sac, going to shows, visiting brothers whom i never see that are briefly home from rehab, conversing all night with fascinating boys, girlfriends having emotional breakdowns at 3am, and of course, my love of being manipulated into doing things I don't genuinely want to do. FYI-that is NOT directed at last night. I had fun on our adventure of rescuing natalie.




I'm actually daydreaming about sleeping. Right Now. I can't stop fantasizing. Clean bedsheets, mmm... Giant, smothering, silk blankets overfilling with goose feathers for me to swim in! My squishy, "thin-as-air" pillow will be strategically placed above my firm "foundation" pillow.


I'm carefully planning out exactly which PJs will be most enjoyable. Flannel and cuddley? Silky and smooth? Sweats? Socks? All out in the nude and raw? I will leave the window open slightly so there is a breeze in my room. I will probably play a rhythmic pinback CD that rocks me to slumber, or Harry Potter Books on Audio. Yes, that's a great idea...




I will make myself tea! Though I'll be so tired I will fall asleep before I drink it and it will set next to my bed getting cold. I wonder if i'm awake enough to get something delicious to eat in bed. Something really hot that will fill my belly and make my eyes heavy. Soup? Curry? Chow Mein? But also something that tastes awesome cold so I can pass out in bed, wake up and start eating again without getting up.




pizza....I can't wait.



I have never been so excited.



This is going to be the Ultimate Sleep.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Robot Peircing

I'm toootally doing it.
if i could- i'll find a way.



Monday, February 23, 2009

Series Finale.....bitter sweet



With only 4 episodes left we have very little opportunity left for anything and everything to happen. please, observe the new 2-part poll!



Which old couples, that we know and love, from season 1 will reunite in the end for a galatic happily ever after?

-and which ones do we hoplessly wish would get back together for one more ironic and hilarious go?


VOTE!


Starbuck and Apollo?

Tigh & Ellen?

Boomer & Chief?


Baltar & Caprica 6?

Friday, February 20, 2009

I Have Bretrayed My One True Love

-but he just doesn't turn on like he use to.

it's my piano.
when i moved on new year's i lost my adapter plug.
it's been nearly two months since he's turned on.
51 days since I've played piano.
1,224 hours since I've written any music.
73,440 minutes of keeping all emotion cooped up.


not okay.

so the other dylan said, "you should learn guitar."
-which he's been saying for like, what? um ever, now, and i never do.
this time however, i said "ok," and meant it.

for multiple reasons
1) i like guitar
2) i need to play SOMETHING
3) it will be a nice hobby to keep me focused, yet distracted throughout my oh so recent breakup.

so, for the price of buying nick a beer at the fox & goose (which i didn't do) i took his guitar home with me and have actually been "practicing." At first I loved it, which made me feel extrememly guilty everytime I looked at my neglected keyboard. It's much easier to learn-having already understood music theory. It's like I already know which notes make which chords-i just have to figure out which of those notes are where on the guitar. It's a love-hate relationship with myself little miss guitar. i'm sure i would have left her long ago, had i not been stuck with her due to lack of accessible pianos.

So lately i've been comparing piano and guitar


1) piano has such a huge range on it- there is much more "master" than on a guitar, which only has six strings

2) you can practice piano for as long as you want without physical reprocussions whereas the stupidass guitar likes to rip apart your fingers. i seriously can't do sessions longer than 30-minutes. will this get better? please, tell me it does.


3) guitar is easier to sing to (or fuck up to, rather) because so many notes are contasntly blending together. i realize anyone's voice sounds nice to guitar (correction: most people's voices) and you can sing however you want
-when you play piano i feel like you can't get away with being "off" slightly
AND you could never get away with quiet, indie, whisper voice because you have to sing loud enough to be heard over the giant piano

4) guitar is portable. it's everywhere you want it to be. -incredibly convenient.


5) guitar is a much more affordable instrument to play

6) everyone thinks they can play guitar, AND HAS TO SHOW YOU??? hey man, can i show you something? can i play it? can i try something? OR they don't say shit and just pick it up and play.
and it doesn't matter if you've taken it somewhere with you or if you invite people to your home and the guitar is sitting in the corner minding its own business.
do you know how many conversations in my bedroom have been ruined by interrupting the discussion just to listen to someone slowly play the same 4 chords over and over


anyways, i haven't given up yet and i'm not going to be able to afford to buy a new piano anytime soon so i'm venturing forth on my selg-guitar-lessions.
if anyone has any advice (i know most of you are more musical than myself) let me know!

for the record: the piano is still my one

Monday, January 19, 2009

wow-bill-wow

I think everyone ever can agree that the beginning of battlestar's season 4.5 was awesome. ~incredibly depressing and-dare i say-hilarious?!
The most entertaining character being-of course-Adama for his completely out of character and blatant "frack-it" attitude. Yes, yes, yes, we can go on and on
and on....

What do I want to focus on? Well, my obsession with Starbuck and Apollo. It's what got my hooked to the show in the first place. They need to get together. It's what I'm waiting/hoping/and watching for. I really hated it when Lee married Odwalla (How is it spelled?-Because I know it's not like the juice). She was just an ultra lame rebound that somehow lasted way too long. you can only imagine how excited I was by the end of last season. They get divorced and Starbuck realizes Sam is a cylon-relationship doomed.

So when this season starts out and Lee and exwifey go out on a date I was-clearly-not impressed. Then she kills herself! Everyone else was shocked and (i'm assuming) sad. Not me. BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE EPISODE.
(aside from the scene in the morge directly following)

Now, at first I was less than amused, because my first fear was that she was the fifth cylon. Nope-not cylon-just dead.
And now Lee is in the free and clear. It's only a matter of time...




Thursday, December 11, 2008

Full On Bangin'

So, I have my hair appointment tonight-which always puts me in a great mood. Changing your hair can be such a transformation, and you can do it one day! it's not like working out at the gym, or cleaning your face, or tanning, where you have to wait weeks and even months before you notice any results.

I could never be a boy. they must get so bored with their hair. i guess this explains the facial hair obsession. it's their compensation for not being able to twirl, clip, and curl luscious locks.

i had decided on the color and length weeks ago, however have still been bouncing back and fourth on one decision.
bangs? no bangs? I dig bangs, but my hair stylist told me that bangs are so 2007.-fuck that. she also told me i just couldn't part my hair straight down the middle. and i seemed to get away with that okay.

okay-to the point-yes i know-sorry.
i was browsing chicks with bangs (and i'm not talking trendy side swept bangs. i mean full on- bangs my mom made me have when i was 8) and i realized something. Most of the chicks that are "full on bangin" are some of my favorite female musicians.

Check out Jenny Lewis & w/ rilo kiley















<---bjork






joanna newsom--->








<---Sarah Neufeld of Arcade Fire
(she's the one right in front)



Jenny Conlee (awesome piano player-responsible for keyboard in The Decemberists)------>


Adorable Kate Nash (who is yet another example of the fact that it's okay to love mainstream pop if the artist is British)













Natalie Gordon of Agent Ribbons. They're not famous, but they are fresh outa Sac and awesome. Look 'em up!












<---Kate Bush (though this picture shouldn't count because everyone had big hair and thick bangs in the 80s)








And this is a great picture of Sia------------->
It's different from her normal photo-ops of glorious color. She just looks simple and sophisticated.

Do you believe me yet that great piano swinging gals have some correlation with bangs? No? Coincidence? phsssst....

isobel campbell (belle and sebestian)

tegan or sara...i'm not sure which one has the straight, blunt bangs, but it doesn't matter. they're identical twins.

Cat Power


I have come to the conclusion that all my soul’s musical inspiration lies at the tips of my bangs and I need to make them short enough to drip harmonious stimulation all down my face!