prelude to a mistake

prelude to a mistake
Current mood: cynical
Category: Romance and Relationships

...just wanted to extend a hand in peace.
before i ruined it again.
i hate to spoil the "surprise." it's just that a confession like this merits some sort of prelude.
i already know what you're going to say. so, i'll ask that you say nothing at all.

i feel like it's well deserved, and long over due, so don't give me that look.
i feel lots of things.i feel i know lots of things. -but i don't even know that

something weird exists in my head
and i just can't correctly categorize it as observation? or manifestation?
i feel like i know you
but the you i know isn't the you i see
and my heart has just been so obnoxious lately
it drowns out all the other body parts (like my eyes)
so i forget the you i see
and i decide to know, the you i know
but i don't know, if he'll even show
when it really comes down to it

i feel like i could make you so happy, or just as easily provoked-i can't tell anymore

i either know you better than anyone else ever did...or i never knew you at all...

maybe i should hold my confession in just a little longer
-maybe until i know more?


when you're left with the same few words after this many years
you can't help but twist them around however it's relevant to the current phase
i've taken your words
and held them so close to me
under every
pretext
context
subtext
and subtley
everyday they mean something new. what else are you to do?
when you have nothing new to work with.

roughly translated that means: i have nothing to work with
so we're all agreed, then? manifestation anyone?

it's all so poignant i can't help it.

i need help, and you're the only one that can help me now.
you have to set me straight. you can do it! i look up to you. i'll listen.
do something you've never done before

tell me please
tell me it will never work
tell me you wouldn't want it to anyways
tell me you never think about it
you're good at making girls cry, aren't you?
why not me?
why not me?

i know it's a weird request. here, let me help get you on your feet...for starters don't make that face you make or give that look you give...it's just the catalyst to my whole fantasy.
start out with an apathetic tone. no emotion. if anything- maybe slight irritation.
remind me about all those mistakes i made.
remind me how miserable you were.
remind me of every time you were slammed against the stone, in the center of the town, with nothing but your own blood in your stomach.
when even then you could have had your pick at anyone but me
still you chose to be alone.
rachel enjoys memories, right?
why not these ones?

please.
tell me i'm not pretty.
tell me you can't remember how i kiss.
tell me you won't go through this again.
i'm simply not worth it.

pain is the only way to shake off these dreams.
give me something new to work with! something that i can't argue with!
you're better at words than I am. so it should be easy for you, but don't underestimate...i'll put up a fight. but i have faith in you.
your best friend is your worst enemy?

you're the best fucking enemy i've ever had.
and if only i could should show you my thoughts at this exact moment...
don't you fall for it. bring me back to the ground!
take a deep breathe. remember who you are, not who we were.
all i see is your face just inches away.
what were we talking about, again?

don't crack. don't falter.
don't succumb to your own seductions.
unless you want to...there i go, playing tricks. it's all a game.

i don't make sense to myself anymore.
often times i speak just to give someone the opportunity to negate.
what was my point, again?
oh.
yes.
whatever you do...

don't smile when i tell you i love you.