it's the final countdown

well, here i am... embarking on my last month living in grass valley. probably for good. i can't think of any reason i would ever move back here; sooner than retirement. i mean, there are no schools here... no good jobs... nothing to do with films... there is just nothing here for me. well, there is. but nothing within reach, i supposed. things i want, but can't have. i'm better leaving them all behind. the beginning of the end? the end of the beginning? who knows what it even is anymore? SIGH. i feel like it's been too long to even do a bullet point checklist. but i'll try to update you, since my last posting... work: manager at 49er fun park (stilllllllll) & beantrees organic coffee in sacramento....i'ma VP at corporate, yo! (yeah, that "yo" phase still hasn't warn off) i'm living in grass valley with jon bell and tony britton. they're rad dudes, but i'm about to move out. december is the last month of my lease, so i should be out by jan. 1st 2010 -holy shit, it's almost 2010-already! and yes, here goes, back at my mother's house in yuba city. yikes. so, sean and i broke up last, and i've remained single and focused on my personal/work/school/family life quite successfully! -pretty proud of myself. i'm going to art institute for a major in digital filmmaking. almost done with my first year! woo! commuting is tiring me out....like supa fasttttt. it will be weird to see where things go from here. i don't know what's waiting for me in yuba city- if anything. it's hard to imagine anything could be left in that town for me. and furthermore, i'm constantly struggling with an irrational (or rational-who knows?) fear of discontent and regret with the way i'm about to leave things in grass valley. i wonder, once i'm gone... what will i miss? who will i miss? who will i keep? what will always stay with me? what will i tell my children/future husband about when i share stories of my young adult life? the questions are probably insignificant, however, the answers are fascinating, nonetheless. -atleast to me. we shall seeeee we shall see.

also, goodbye to snow.
and watching all of jon bell's office/himym dvds.damn.

the stars

stars (the band) has been a recent favorite, as of late.
every now and then they have a slightly impressive composition, but most of the time i'd rate the music itself as fairly average.
it's the lyrics that really get under my skin and tickle around in my brain.



"when there's nothing left to burn
you have to set yourself on fire
...God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
Your quiet eyes
your mouth that never tells lies
You've got one hour,
IT'S TIME YOU TOLD YOUR STORY...

...write what you know...

-Fall into a corner
-Watch your favorite show
-Pray to God to see her
-Write what you know

...Try as he might, he's unable to speak
He grabs her by the hair, he strokes her on the cheek
The bed is unmade, like everything is
Dark little heaven at the top of the stairs...

...And everyday, it's changed since then
...In every way, I've changed since then

Live through this, and you won't look back...


So good when it ends, they'll never be friends

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose

I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

Time can take it's toll on the best of us

Sometimes the T.V. is like a lover
Singing softly as you fall asleep
You wake up in the morning and it's still there
Adding up the things you'll never be

...In every way, I've changed since then