Monday, September 28, 2009

nine minutes and fifty-six seconds to make you cry

if i could tolerate the face these words would make, i would say them.
and if i were strong enough they'd be mine.
these words are not mine.
and you'll never hear them. never find them.
except for here.
in this place where i pretend to say all the things i never will.


"Run your fingers through your hair


Let's pick up from where we left off

Call all your friends, announce the new victory
Once you were sweet to me, knock it off

The music doesn't move you, doesn't soothe you
Doesn't prove you're worth a dime
You work 'round the clock, watch it tick and tock

But this isn't your time
Move over son, it's my turn to shine

Was there ever a moment
One small slice in history
When I took you seriously?

When your belt and your shoes
Did not announce your poor taste so fearlessly?
'Cause that's news to me


And you can forget it, I get it
I just don't let it get to me
I regret to inform I do not fret or mourn
The way things used to be
It's all in the past now, it's all gone

And the only way into the sun is walking
But you'd rather run
You'd rather run away

The songs he writes are for "dad"
The true love lost 'fore he ever had
If stories begun "If father loved son"
We wouldn't be feelin' so bad
But doesn't everyone?

And it's not that I hate you
I never loved you enough to hate you
To get even or mad so as not to seem sad
Just seems ungrateful
'Cause really, I am thankful I'm sad

Maybe we're the same unabashed and unashamed
Then again, I dunno where you came from

You keep carvin' out names
First Jamie then James
And I can't keep up to restrain you
How come?

We two came together for worst and for better
It's true
And the weather is clever
But she's not the only one getting over you
It's me, too

And the only way into the sun is walking
But you'd rather run
You'd rather run away

My god, it's no fun to watch you play dumb
With your ugly hand on her thigh
And she's nervous too, but politeness eschews
The impulse to finger deny
Plus, your girlfriend's a spy


And what would she think to look up from her drink
And find you in your sad little vest tryin' hard to undress
The girls you sat down next to?
She'll think nothing
She'll be thinking of you...

I'm glad I don't know the places you go
I'm glad for you and for them
Let's be discreet if we are to meet on Ludlow ever again
Don't mention Ben

It's funny what you miss, it's funny what you don't
I've thought it all through, the potential to fondly reminisce is this:
I won't

And the only way into the sun is walking
But you'd rather run
You'd rather run away

Don't say we got along
That's remarkably wrong
It doesn't suggest or imply
The thing about us you don't dare discuss
We never got along famously, we just tried

I tried to be good, I tried to be gracious and kind
But working with you has done nothing but prove a total waste of time........
'Cause the real curse is your mind


Sometimes at night I stare at the ceiling
And wonder what's wrong with me?
To involve myself with people
Who don't know what my true feeling might possibly be

Who latch onto my strength like it's all they've got
It takes all of my strengths

And I go through such lengths
To show them it is not what they think they are stealing


And the only way into the sun is walking
But you'd rather run
You'd rather run away


Yes, the only way into the sun is walking
But you'd rather run

You'd rather run away
"

Friday, September 25, 2009

sums it all up

so, an old acquaintance sent me an old picture from some old party. it's of sean and i, bless her heart, she hasn't heard...
ehem.
thank a lot.

so i have this picture now. (whaaatever)
but that's not the point.
the point is in my (EXTREMELY BREIF) nostaglic moment of staring at the picture i realized this really does says it all.
if i could sum up all my experiences of dabbling in love. t'would be...


...bam.

me: totally amused.


him: totally not impressed.

awesome.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Seeking No Strings Attached


i am:
woman

who: craves attention, does not like to be alone, does like to be alone, worries, doesn't often respect authority, second guesses, likes to argue, likes to make fun, hates to lose, saves money but isn't good at it, likes to fit in, wants no strings attached.

is: messy, open, rash, irritable, weird, fragile, heart over mind, very social, phobic, suspicious, not careful, vain, compassionate, aggressive, independent, not rule conscious,
has: baggage, lots to learn, no time for love, a desire for cheese.

seeking:
man.

who: sings when he speaks and communicates without talking. gives out more compliments than sperm. cooks with large amounts of garlic & cilantro. reads my face. calls me out. rejects whores. laughs a lot.
must have: high standards. low expectations. goals. morals. a sense of humor. sweet lips. salty skin. interesting dreams. and a love of fine cheese.


Monday, September 21, 2009

maybe

Initially Posted July 25, 2006

maybe everything isn't as that bad.
maybe everything is exactly as it should be.
maybe everything will start comin' together.

maybe it's about to get better than anything you ever left behind or lost.

maybe i can be everything i want.
and maybe that'll be appealing.

maybe you are enough.
and maybe someday you'll want what you have.

maybe being trusted IS a far greater compliment that being loved.
maybe someone caring about you is the most possessive and intrusive thing anyone could ever do to you.
maybe love is the answer.
maybe someday you'll know the answer.
maybe i will, too.

maybe you'll read this and think...
maybe she's writing to me.
-but all you'll really be able to think is....maybe.

maybe every enjoyable thought starts out with a "maybe."

maybe i like you.
but maybe not.
and maybe you'll call.
but maybe not.
and maybe i won't mess up at life.
but maybe so.

EVERYTHING in my life is a maybe...
maybe your life is like that, too?
it keeps my interest compelled
and hope high enough to wait it out.
find out...
to which side will this maybe go?

maybe you'll get what this is all about.
maybe you're just like me.
maybe we don't even know it.
maybe you actually listen,
and maybe i'll never notice that you do.
little you know, little you care.
maybe, BABY, BABY, maybe....

Friday, September 11, 2009

folky friends









Nevada County is weird, and I like it. It's occupants are talented and oddly appealing. I don't know how you can find fascinating people clumped together in a place where nothing happens. the schools (the few that exist) are liberal and artistic, the jobs are relaxed, people are kind and safe, and time moves just a little bit slower.







my favorite part, however, is some of the music. it's something i've always loved, then forgot about, then remembered, and i want to share it with you. the best part of nevada city is without a doubt the grass roots label. "-founded by marc snegg (who's first gig was playing at joanna newsom's 12th birthday party)" -that bit of quotation is from a magazine i read, but can't remember which one...

grass roots is clearly just a bunch of really awesome friends making music. it's inspiring!

Joanna Newsom probably one of the more well known musicians, but surely isn't the end of the list. joanna went to nu high school with alela diane, whom is apparently friends's with mariee sioux; all of whom picked up guitars after witnessing local aaron ross when they were teensey boppers. aaron ross is my personal favorite and if you ever have a chance to see him take it-he plays a lot in sac.


then there's this guy, named Luke, that i first met playing cello for aaron.
and he was mind blowing, as well, but recently moved away....
i hope to hear his music one day...

benjamin oak goodman is another good'en.

they are all beautiful!

there is something really fascinating about going to a show where all the artists not only know one another, but their audience as well.
everything has double meaning.
when he sings that nerve striking song...
you know exactly which girl in the audience it's directed towards...

music has always been a very powerful thing, and years before and after people will continue put their own interpretation on favorite lyrics as to relate to them. but it's really no match for listening to music that was written a few houses down, about all the people you know...singing about a town that you're in...

forgive me for sounded cliche; there's something very magical about these hills, and i think you have to live here to find it.

as for everyone else, go to as many local shows in your town as you possibly ever can.

also, take note:
these are some awesome, younger musicians that aren't a part of grass roots, but they will get their own light soon. keep a watch...
jessica agnew
molly roth
dylan rodrigue

i'm sad to leave this place behind...a part of me really believes i will come back to find it one day and it will have disappeared- as if i imagined the whole thing.